Useful work. I'd suggest to change the order, and start with the why, then how, and what.
There's no need to define the IndieWeb first, I think. Talking to non-tech inclined people, I feel IW gets better reception and responses when it starts with people's concerns and wishes first. Once those are clear, then spending effort to do it differently is less daunting.

Last year someone remarked to me that an event I organised was a BarCamp without me ever using the term. Which was correct, and on purpose. During the event I focused on the facilitation and process, adding the jargon would have been out of place and have no particular effect on the proceedings. Afterwards when a participant asked me about the process I explained about BarCamps, and Open Space and how precisely I had made a mix of both formats for the event.

My sense is when explaining IndieWeb using the term IndieWeb from the start is likely a distraction in a similar way.