As I read Zeynep Tufekci’s book Twitter and Tear Gas while watching Chopped Jr., I can’t help but thinking that it would be an interesting satirical take to have a Chopped: Dictator’s Edition where oligarchs, dictators, and strongmen competed against each other to see who could best repress and control their countries.

I can just imagine the over-the-top descriptions the dictators could give in the recap interviews as we watched their half-assed handiwork. The chipper, but critical judging rounds could provide some serious satirical jabs. And after the commercial break, Ted Allen could pull back the cloche to reveal the severed head of the “chopped” dictator from that round.

“Judges I have prepared for you today, a jack-booted storm-trooper crowd suppression replete with hollow-point bullets, sides of cell phone jammers, armored tanks, and blood-spatter-proof anti-riot shields.”

Passingly I’ll note that unwittingly, Tufekci’s book might also serve as a useful playbook for dictatorial regimes.