👓 Nation’s Math Professors Announce Plans To Continue Wearing Chinos With Running Shoes Indefinitely | The Onion

QUINCY, MA—Confirming that they have no intention of modifying the traditional uniform of their profession at any point in the foreseeable future, mathematics professors from across the country joined their voices Monday to reaffirm their commitment to wearing chinos with running shoes. “We believe that this singular look has really been working for us for the past few decades, allowing as always for slight variations such as the presence or absence of pleats and the availability of slightly different varieties of white Reebok footwear, and we have decided to formally recommit to this outfit for as long as our profession continues to exist,” said Boston University vector analysis professor Paul Slavish, explaining that the pairing of khakis with cross trainers had become the symbol of his profession, as it offered a perfect combination of professionalism, approachability, and the comfort vital for on-campus life. “We acknowledge that our sneakers, while technically advanced, will never be used for actual running; our pants, while relatively clean, will never actually be ironed; and that this lower ensemble will always be paired with either a dress shirt two sizes too large or a sweat-wicking polo shirt that has never—and will never—wick away the sweat of exercise. Never shall we stray from this sacred combination, which proclaims at a glance that we are casual, unfussy people who happen to be very serious about mathematics. Plus, check out all these side pockets!” Slavish also confirmed that certain professors would occasionally wear a wacky necktie printed with mathematical symbols, but that this would occur at a maximum of three days per semester.