This new Christmas movie premiered today. Just as treacle-y as you’d imagine.
I ought to map out a plotline of dos and don’ts for these movies as they’re quite formulaic.
Here’s a start:
A first kiss should be interrupted at least twice.
Women should have lost their first loves or spouses in natural accidents (car crashes or the like) so that they’re “pure”.
Someone in the film should be named Darcy.
Casting should feature one or more pseudo-stars from more than a decade prior. Everyone else should be complete unknowns.
Bonus points if casting can be done in Canada.
Solid working character actors should be eschewed at all costs.
Unlike standard romantic comedies, the “best friend” should never be the funny, comic relief.
Even when the plot is clearly open for it, the lead female should never be forward to get what she wants. She should always be able to retreat to have the man “win” her.
The big ending should feature fake snow falling.
Blatant rip-offs of plots of popular books and movies should be encouraged, but this should be heavily downplayed with the plot significantly weakened and overly-Americanized for the 1950’s. Example: “Die Hard meets Father Knows Best with a healthier helping of Christmas–and no guns.”